alternate real(estate)ities

I feel stuck and restless, and when I feel this way, I like to imagine my life in other realities. They usually involve having a large closet with a lot of shoes, but the location always changes.

if i were to have a home in socal, i want this lovely craftsman It's in my hometown and it's newly remodeled, and has a big-ass backyard. Heh. Craftsman homes are quite awesome.

If I were to live in Boston, I-- wow I just found the best fucking property... a block from my street I always used to walk on (Dartmouth)... Okay, this one is on Beacon/Exeter, with a rooftop deck that you can see the Charles from. Mmmm. Obviously this deck would only be handy from like, late April thru October, but still, that's around six months of fun in the sun.

Who knows where I will end up in real life, as far as college and beyond is concerned. It depends on the financial aid available. That part is kind of terifying. I really want to excell but I've made some interesting choices. My parents just told me to go with what my heart told me. Well, I did and everything fell apart. I went with what my heart told me, my head told me... and I still don't know where I'll end up. I've settled for a more practical option of academia which entails getting a masters and a PhD.

Who knows if I'll meet someone that I'm interested in romantically, and who also shares my feelings. I don't know. I know it sounds very shallow, but I don't want to be with a person who doesn't have their financial shit together. Wealthy would be nice, I won't deny it. I know I won't find Mr. Darcy, because he just doesn't exist, and I doubt my 'ideal' man doesn't exist either. I think I'm a good judge of character, but I'm not sure about that either anymore.

I want to travel, and just be relatively happy. I would settle for content. Having a lot of money at my personal disposal would be great- fantastic, but as long as I can pay back my school loans, afford to live in a nice place and drive a decent car, go out now and then... that would work. I just can't deal with stressing over money. It's all so frustrating and intriguing at the same time. Is it so much to ask, to be comfortable, to have financial breathing room? For once in my life, and I'm not even 23 yet, I would like all of that, or some of it, to go away.

adieu, my dear void.