ten pm and i'm in bed with my laptop on a bunch of blankets. the tv is on in the living room and the christmas tree is all decorated. presents are wrapped and it's nearly christmas eve. everyone is worrying about christmas and i'm wondering whats going to happen with things so totally different than christmas or the holidays that i feel like it isnt december at all.
damn it. i hate worrying about such petty stupid crap. but no matter how much i try to change and not be affected it never works.
how can i not be affected? its not possible. if my best friend reads this she'll understand what i'm talking bout and and i need to keep it vague like this for my own emotional protection.
i dont want to throw myself into anything totally in case i get let down, which is normal. i think i take it too far though when i'm so afraid of being let down that i don't let anything on the surface except for what i know i can deal with.
this is becoming pointless to write as i read it over... its not coming out right.
merry christmas to all.
cheers,
kate.
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