feeling awkward in so many ways

Seriously??

My weird out of nowhere low blood pressure induced dizzy/lightheadedness is back again, and i misread the due date for an assignment, so only 1/3 of the problems were completed upon turning it in. What the hell. On the bright side, however, it is not 100 degrees outside. I'd almost prefer a nice baking hot day so I can sit out in the sun and read a book.

I'm also super jittery right now, due to a coffee and a lack of excersize yesterday. Couldn't work out yesterday, because I was in Dana Point with my parents, and then blah blah blah we didn't get home until around 7:30. My mother is paranoid that if anyone is outside their house after dark, that they're going to be raped and/or killed. She says it doesn't matter that I lived on my own 3000 miles away from her; she still gets paranoid that the bad things mentioned above will most definitely happen. Despite living in almost crime free area. Okay then.

This is why I need bodyguards or a large dog. Then she wouldn't worry so much. All the time. About everything to do with my safety. I love her and I'm glad she worries about my safety, but I don't understand the extreme nature of it. That's just how I see it. Nobody is wrong or right, it just exists in the in between.

I'm supposed to get a Blackberry next month, however that topic has been discussed for more than a year, and has yet to happen. I'll believe it when I have one in my hand.

I slept too much last night from going to sleep too early, and it totlaly messed everything up. I was groggy and dizzy and had weird weird dreams.

au revoir for now...

alternate real(estate)ities

I feel stuck and restless, and when I feel this way, I like to imagine my life in other realities. They usually involve having a large closet with a lot of shoes, but the location always changes.

if i were to have a home in socal, i want this lovely craftsman It's in my hometown and it's newly remodeled, and has a big-ass backyard. Heh. Craftsman homes are quite awesome.

If I were to live in Boston, I-- wow I just found the best fucking property... a block from my street I always used to walk on (Dartmouth)... Okay, this one is on Beacon/Exeter, with a rooftop deck that you can see the Charles from. Mmmm. Obviously this deck would only be handy from like, late April thru October, but still, that's around six months of fun in the sun.

Who knows where I will end up in real life, as far as college and beyond is concerned. It depends on the financial aid available. That part is kind of terifying. I really want to excell but I've made some interesting choices. My parents just told me to go with what my heart told me. Well, I did and everything fell apart. I went with what my heart told me, my head told me... and I still don't know where I'll end up. I've settled for a more practical option of academia which entails getting a masters and a PhD.

Who knows if I'll meet someone that I'm interested in romantically, and who also shares my feelings. I don't know. I know it sounds very shallow, but I don't want to be with a person who doesn't have their financial shit together. Wealthy would be nice, I won't deny it. I know I won't find Mr. Darcy, because he just doesn't exist, and I doubt my 'ideal' man doesn't exist either. I think I'm a good judge of character, but I'm not sure about that either anymore.

I want to travel, and just be relatively happy. I would settle for content. Having a lot of money at my personal disposal would be great- fantastic, but as long as I can pay back my school loans, afford to live in a nice place and drive a decent car, go out now and then... that would work. I just can't deal with stressing over money. It's all so frustrating and intriguing at the same time. Is it so much to ask, to be comfortable, to have financial breathing room? For once in my life, and I'm not even 23 yet, I would like all of that, or some of it, to go away.

adieu, my dear void.

nothing better

music: If There Is Something - Roxy Music

Apparently using anti-aging cream does well to repair sunburned skin. Who knew.

My neck is red. I am a redneck! Well, not like a chitlin-eating, beer gut fat ass living in the South drinking Coor's light and watching nascar kind of redneck. I think that kind of transformation would indicate that an alien stole my brain or something.

Trader Joe's vegan chocolate chip cookies are pretty awesome. I'm wondering if instead of the soy milk (since there's no dairy), one could substitute (or partially substitute) coconut milk..? That would be the most indulgent cholesterol-free cookie ever.

I want to transport myself into the late 70s and go to discos and watch David Bowie and wear knee-high platform purple glitter boots and crazy makeup... any glam rock stuff would do... Yeah!

I would do anything for you/ I would climb mountains
I would swim on the ocean floor
I would walk athousand miles/ Reveal my secrets
more than enough for me to share
I would put roses 'round our door/ Sit in the garden
Growing potatoes by the score

The line about the potatoes is so g'damn random it makes me laugh.

*off key clarinet solo* Fuck yeah Roxy Music!

Back to reading Pride & Prejudice....

cheers.

what does that have to do with daniel craig?

my face is fucking sunburned. motherfucker.... ugh. way to go retard, telling everyone else to put sunscreen on and then forgetting to put it on your own goddamn face. *talking to self*

Fun times today, fun times. Other than the sunburn on my face and half my chest (wtf?) of course.

I feel like crap for some reason. Passed up a night out with the girls at the last minute because I feel like crap. Would have been nice if someone had texted me a response back to my saturday coffee quandry though. i mean, i know i'm just a designated driver to you right now, but, you know, a response would have been nice. you won't read this though, so i'm talking to myself.

Off to watch Bill Maher and go to bed. I am so tired!!

good night.

ps: bill maher looks better in regular clothes than a suit & tie. just a thought. then again, everyone looks better in regular clothes. *coughdanielcraigsassinflashbacksofafoolcough*

fedoras for all

I'm supposed to be somewhere that's at least 35 minutes away, in approx. 35 minutes. I win! I should have already left but I'm eating my oatmeal (organic oats & flax + dried cranberries/cherries/pom seeds + cinnamon. mmm tasty.

I've been obsessing over population statistics/genetics since I'm learning them at the same time in phys. anthro & cultural geography. huzzah!

i'm not even done with undergrad, but soon i will be and then i'll be in grad school, and then done with that-- so when i'm done with grad school, when i receive my Ph.D., can someone PLEASE fucking buy me an Indiana Jones fedora?


mkay i will finish my food now.

nom nom nom nom nom..

kate

Twilight, Pope Benedict, and the Bubonic Plague

Memo to the asshole who stalked my friend:

Fuck you, and please go rot in hell. Thanks. Eventually someone will bust a cap in your arse, and when that day comes, I hope I have a psychic flash that lets me know it happened, so I can celebrate. Nobody fucks with my friends.

/end memo.

In my physical anthropology class, my prof. was making a comment about how instantaneous evolution is imposible, and asked the class to think of its favorite "wolfman" movie. Nobody had a clue what he was saying, because apparently the population of humans is dumber than I thought. My first thought was that ridiculous Michael J Fox movie from the 80s where he's a werewolf and rides (through my hometown no less) on the top of a pimp cargo van. Only one other person apparently thought of an answer to the teacher's quandry, and voiced it loudly- "TWILIGHT!!" Oh humanity, you fail me again.

There's a whole bunch of computer cubicles in the library, but none of them are equipped with power outlets. Fail? I think so. More than that kind of fail, is my laptop battery and its' failure to be consistent, and actually function. Unfortunately I have no money, so I can't get a new battery. Oh well.

Why is it that once you leave a place, you start thinking about it with rose-colored glasses? Not every place, obviously, but some places take on the sentimental love quality that you certainly don't experience when you're living there. To be more specific, I've been thinking a lot about Boston in recent months. I think my time there would have been a whole lot easier to live through if one of my roommates hadn't been the Bubonic fucking Plague in human form. By the way, on that note, Kelly should be sanctified by the church for being the most amazing kind person ever for putting up with said human plague, and my bullshit too. So Pope Benedict, if you have the off chance of reading this tripe, keep her in mind. She's a good Catholic, and a fucking amazing person.

I think that about does it for right now...cheers.

jesus in cotton candy

listening to: Violent Dreams - Jump, Little Children [Magazine]


quick post before Pilates @ 12:30.

Last night:
Went to see Bill Maher's stand-up gig in Anaheim. For whatever inconceivable reason, I absolutely love Bill Maher- comedy-wise anyway. He's just the funniest goddamn person, and seems to be the only person in the media who represents most of my ideas on politics, religion and popular culture. So last night really was a long time coming dream to be able to see one his stand up shows.

It was AWESOMELY inappropriate. Masturbation jokes make me laugh, when tied to Sarah Palin, Republicans and the like. lol. THIS IS THE PROBLEM OF GROWING UP WITH AN OLDER BROTHER. I can't think like a girl going "ewwww guy jokes!". Most guy jokes are just wayyy too funny. As long as family members aren't telling them, anyway.

Before the show, we were going to find something to eat, but the only fucking place open was HOOTERS. God save my soul from rotting if I ever have to go in that place again. Most degrading experience ever. Orange polyester hotpants, fat sports fans screaming, and tube socks. Reallllly not something I want to experience ever ever ever again. Gross.

Got to the venue and discovered that myself and my friend (Alisa) got to go through a special entrance and had seats in the second row! Woo! I've never been that close. Except for like, Rocco DeLuca.

Anyway, it's pilates time!

<3kate

perfect little dream, the kind that hurts the most

I both love and detest my existence right now. No point into going into details, but one of the things that puts me in a bad mood is my lack of job which = lack of money, = no Nine Inch Nails shows. Trent will probably get bored and come back in a few years, but what if he doesn't and because the economy sucks, I couldn't go see the last shows ever? That's fucked up. Goddamn you Republicans!!!!

Watched the end of a good movie with Daniel Craig last night. I saw it sometime early this year or late last year- it's called Flashbacks of a Fool. And it's got some awesome music. [i.e. If There Is Something by Roxy Music]

Trying to eat healthier, add more time to my 6-day a week workouts and get enough sleep... It's too much of an obsession but whatever it's a healthy obsession. It's not like I'm getting bulked up like Trent "El Queso" Reznor and his lack of neck. El Queso is like a middle aged Hulk and I think he's bad ass, but a lack of neck always weirds me out. It's like football players and their lack of neck. Yuck.

alright, signing off.
cheers.

cloudy with a chance of... Iron Chef?

listening to: Nine Inch Nails- Echoplex [The Slip]

Dad is using one of those carpet cleaners to clean, well obviously, the carpets. It's loud and he's been doing it for at least four hours. Crazy. Somehow despite how loud it is, I took a nap. And people, I have major sleeping issues. I've been on sleeping meds for a year and a half for Christ's sake. I haven't actually napped in at least two years, and today, I napped, noise and all! So proud of self. Had to blog about it so that in a year or so, I can pull up this retarded piece of crap and read it, then go "wow, why did I write about this publically?"

Wish I was going to see NIN.... poo. Wish I worked for Trent Reznor. That would be kind of awesome. Actually, I could do an anthropological study and artwork at the same time. Hmm. My interests need to stay at bay, since I have far too many. With my lack of social life, lack of social awareness, my musings get the better of me. My imagination needs to chill for a while.

I tell people I'm planning on going to Berkeley, and their first comment/question relates to "yeah but you haven't gotten in yet have you?" Fuck you, I will. I have to go to an Ivy or comparable. I'll never get into grad school or get grants or fellowships or a job to pay off my massive debt if I don't go. Failing just is not an option, physically, mentally, or emotionally. It just isn't an option for me. $100,000 isn't just going to fall out of the fucking sky.

Speaking of things falling from the sky, I really want to see that new kids' film "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs." The book that the movie is based on was one of my favorites as a child. The idea of soup raining from the sky into restaurants without ceilings is just way too exciting for my imagination to pass up. In the book, there was no scientist who created some machine that turned meteorology into the goddamn Food Network WORLD though. If I was going to have food raining from the heavens, I would hope it would be prepared by Morimoto or Bobby Flay.


okay I'm going now..